we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
