I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my sisters under your porch take her home
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
