Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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