You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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