He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
