And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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