talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
