Screwed.edu
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
