It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
