I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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