I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
