I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
