she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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