Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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