we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
