My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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