If i come over, it means nothing
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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