Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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