We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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