Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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