you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
