Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
