8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
