clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
