none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
