Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
