My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
