I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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