batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
