God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
