My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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