And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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