theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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