Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
