watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
