Plan B is the new Plan A
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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