It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
