He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
