fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
