just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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