Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
