fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
