i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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