Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
