Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
