I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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