Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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