I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
