8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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