i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
