"it" just moved
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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