i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
