Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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