I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
